a leave of absence?

whoa...I didn't realize it has been almost 2 months since my last post. where does the time go?
when I started this I knew there would be times when I didn't post but I didn't think it would be this long. I don't know what to say....apparently, if the stats are correct, there are actually people coming to my little house of useless knowledge. thank you for that, though I am a little unsure as to why. must be my wittiness. :)  yeah, I didn't think so either.
there have been a lot of things going on around this little corner of the world. In April I was diagnosed with my first case of skin cancer. the 'good' kind, if there is such a thing. it was just below my eyebrow. that freaked me out. I don't know why though. if you knew me personally you wouldn't be surprised. I'm not really white, I'm sorta purplish/pink with a lot of freckles thrown in. I have only been tan once in my life and I got that very lovely tan at the expense of not being able to move for 3 solid days while wearing only my bathing suit. I had my 2nd sun poisoning that time. oh the good ole days when you're a young lady in the 80's and the 'in' thing is being tan, if you were a white girl like me. oh how stupid we are as kids. anyway, that's why it shouldn't have been a surprise that I had some version of skin cancer. I always burn, I am a red head, my father has had skin cancer so many times I can't count them and I am fair skinned. these my friends, are 4 out of the 5 items that answer the question, how high is your risk of skin cancer?

so that's where I have been. I had it removed a couple of weeks ago and did NOT get a very cool scar like I asked the doctor for, but it is all gone, so there's that.

another reason I haven't been here is that there is also something wrong with my thyroid....what you ask? I don't know. I haven't had the courage to make an appointment with my doctor to find out. I have been feeling a bit depressed about how this shitty life has been going, I just don't have the courage, nor the money, to find out why. it could be something as easy as adjusting my meds or not....I just can't handle it.

and then there is the world we live in. half-wit, half-term former governors making traitors out of our revolutionary heroes and a 13 year old Congressmen from New York thinking he can send crotch shots to women he isn't married to and current Supreme Court Justices not understanding the law and violating,  what should be clear to everyone, ethics of some sort.

I watch Rachel Maddow and then clean the house a bit until Stewart and Colbert come on, go to sleep, wake up, go to a job I really could care less about and back home to do it all over again....that's what's been going on in Vera Lynn's world. maybe the summer will bring better things.

one bright spot? my birthday is at the end of the month and I have 2 wonderful friends coming to see me. I need that.

so what have you guys been doing?

life.....birthdays....family

My family got together for my mother's 79th birthday today. She enjoyed having all of her children and some of the grandkids around....and the cake. After the cake and ice cream, I took my niece (a very good artist) and her boyfriend to see the coolest picture that hangs in the local hospital. It was drawn by a 12th grader using white charcoal. I never remember to get a picture of it...old age sucks. Anyway, we found a really cool used CD and record store. We walked in and I heard this..... how freaking cool is that?! I know! I haven't heard Kix since, I couldn't even tell you when. I have the album on cassette and no cassette player. It's one of those you don't remember or can't find on CD to replace the collection. And when I log into itunes, I am usually looking for something specific and never browse. They also have a record store poster for American Idiot that will be mine next payday. :)

Mom has been home from the hospital for a week and seems to be getting stronger every day. It's much nicer with her at home. Thank you to everyone for the well wishes and good thoughts. Since she is home and we are getting back in the groove of normalcy, I should be back in blogging mode soon. I never realized how tiring it is when you have someone you love in the hospital. All the worry and driving....anyway, I'm glad it's done and my mother is on the mend.

fuck. my. life.

today is one of those days when I just want to tell everyone to fuck off. and what good is having a blog if I can't do that? I did that once as my facebook status and some weenie (a friend of a friend) comes onto my wall and tells me I shouldn't use that kind of language. And since I didn't tell her then, fuck off. It's my goddamn wall and if I want to say fuck off to everybody, then I goddamn will. so to cheer me up I am posting this video....if you ever have one of these days, maybe it will help you too. and because there aren't any good versions of this live on youtube, you get the one with the words.....

"So I opened my door to my enemies and I ask could we wipe the slate clean? But they tell me to please go and fuck myself. You know you just can't win."

...my precious.....

one year ago yesterday, I found out my beagle/dachshund mix had several tumors on her liver. they could remove some, but it wouldn't matter, it was spreading. she had surgery one year ago yesterday and I brought her home a year ago today thinking she would be gone within the week. I got another three and half wonderful months with her. and if there is a god, it gave her a whole year of seasons in that time span. we had snow, which we don't usually have. we had spring in January and summer in February. around the first week in March, she started to slow way down....the second week in March, she started to show some pain...small whimperings, nothing big....over the next couple of days it seemed to roll over her like a wave. I took her to the vet on the morning of March 14th and let her go. the night before, she was....it's hard to tell you the sounds she made and the looks she gave me. I had told her after I snapped the picture below, that I would be there for her and when she was ready, she needed to let me know....I would make sure her life ended as beautifully as she came into our lives.

It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and yet the easiest thing I ever had to do. I would've moved heaven and hell to get her what she needed. What she needed at the end was to not suffer, and I could do that.

It has been hard, this year. I miss her everyday, but I know she is in puppy heaven (where I will go too, I'm sure of it) and is waiting for me....she is with her brother (0zzy) and all of the puppies I have had in my life. She is still being a good girl. My baby.

this is my favorite, but not because of how it looks....it was taken when she got home from the hospital....she was so happy to be home....she wanted her blanket that her Aunt J made for her last Christmas. and to sleep in her bed....it is also the one picture that always makes me cry. I realized as I was getting her in bed that the end was coming and I snapped this picture...I didn't know when or how, but the coming days were going to be the last....goddamn I love you Abby...and I miss you more than I knew I could......