one year ago yesterday, I found out my beagle/dachshund mix had several tumors on her liver. they could remove some, but it wouldn't matter, it was spreading. she had surgery one year ago yesterday and I brought her home a year ago today thinking she would be gone within the week. I got another three and half wonderful months with her. and if there is a god, it gave her a whole year of seasons in that time span. we had snow, which we don't usually have. we had spring in January and summer in February. around the first week in March, she started to slow way down....the second week in March, she started to show some pain...small whimperings, nothing big....over the next couple of days it seemed to roll over her like a wave. I took her to the vet on the morning of March 14th and let her go. the night before, she was....it's hard to tell you the sounds she made and the looks she gave me. I had told her after I snapped the picture below, that I would be there for her and when she was ready, she needed to let me know....I would make sure her life ended as beautifully as she came into our lives.
It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and yet the easiest thing I ever had to do. I would've moved heaven and hell to get her what she needed. What she needed at the end was to not suffer, and I could do that.
It has been hard, this year. I miss her everyday, but I know she is in puppy heaven (where I will go too, I'm sure of it) and is waiting for me....she is with her brother (0zzy) and all of the puppies I have had in my life. She is still being a good girl. My baby.
this is my favorite, but not because of how it looks....it was taken when she got home from the hospital....she was so happy to be home....she wanted her blanket that her Aunt J made for her last Christmas. and to sleep in her bed....it is also the one picture that always makes me cry. I realized as I was getting her in bed that the end was coming and I snapped this picture...I didn't know when or how, but the coming days were going to be the last....goddamn I love you Abby...and I miss you more than I knew I could......
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